Nothing kicks me in the gut more than an unexpected or untimely death. It seems that 2018 has had more than it's fair share of death in my life. I'm certain this isn't the first time I've written about death this year and because that last part of life includes death....and it won't be the last.
There are only two things that are absolutes in this life.....death and taxes. I sure seem to handle taxes better than death. Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid to die. I believe we are here on this earth to learn and become better souls. When we die, we get to go home. There's nothing scary about that at all. I had a conversation with a friend who is a cancer survivor last week. She said she's not afraid of death because she knows where she's going. There's comfort in that, whether you believe it or not.
What bothers me most about death is when I have to stay behind and celebrate a life that was cut way too short. I'll be honest....I don't do funerals unless I absolutely have to do it. Most of the time, I can find a reason to not do it. Then there are those times, I have to do it. My dad would say....you have to go...it's part of life. And it is, but I don't mourn much. I'm not fond of it, so I try not to do it. Yet, there are time that I need to show up and celebrate their life and rejoice in knowing they are home.
Last month, we said goodbye to my brother from another mother, Matt. He would have been 50 this year. That's young and to me....too young. I was there because he was like my brother and I love him in that very way. Just this past weekend, we celebrated the life of a friend who died from cancer at the very young age of 38.
38.
THIRTY. EIGHT.
April was 10 years younger than me. It still seems unreal to me. I keep thinking there is no way she's gone.....I keep thinking I'll see her soon with her sweet smile and a big hug. Always kind. Always asking if everything is okay. April was my manager for just a short time before I moved to a position in account services. She was always kind. Always fair. Always encouraging. Always humble. What I am saying is nothing any different than any one else would say about her. She was an angel among us who had to go home.
Besides my grandmother's funeral, that was the hardest funeral I've ever attended. It was hard watching her children, five and ten year old girls, and trying to imagine how their daddy was going to keep himself together for them. For himself. I thought, how unfair for them. Then I remembered that God's plan is perfect. Whatever her reason for being here, her mission was accomplished and God needed her home.
No matter what, no one was prepared.
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